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Sunday, 4 December 2016

Am I Idiot?

28/11/2016

Assalamualaikum and good evening peeps.

How are you? Sihat ? Alhamdulillah. Sakit? Alhamdulillah. Setiap manusia diberi pelbagai nikmat. Sihat dan sakit juga merupakan satu nikmat. Cuma, kena ingat setiap apa yang berlaku dalam hidup kita, ada hikmah. Dan rahsia itu hanya Allah yang tahu. Just try His timing, and everything gonaa be fine. Have faith, mate . *Yang sakit tadi jangan lupa makan ubat pula. Nanti melarat pula. Ingat, setiap penyakit itu ada penawarnya.

So, how about me ? My life ? Ruin . But I am cool handling it. Okay first first sekali, Ir sihat. Alhamdulillah. Makan, minum, pakaian semua cukup dekat tempat orang ni. Ir masih diberi peluang untuk mempunyai rakan-rakan yang prihatin dengan Ir. Yang selalu ada dengan Ir. Masa susah, masa senang. Just done my midterm exam. Art history. Quite easy but still, I am afraid if I’m done silly mistake. Ir dah usaha, dan sekarang Ir tawakal. Banyak benda nak cerita. Dekat kepala otak ni rasa sesak sangat. Tak tahu nak cerita dekat siapa.

*Don’t dare to say, “Mengadu dekat Allah, Allah kan ada.” . Yeah I know that and I always talked to Him about this matter. It’s just bit different about this. Yeah you know, even a strong woman need a shoulder to lean on.

“I am tired.”

Homesick. Hahaha, rindu my mum, my dad, my nanny. Tak sabar gila nak balik. Lagi dua minggu je lagi. Yayyy ^V^ Tiket pun dah book, everything settle, and tinggal nak balik je. Rindu nak peluk ibu, peluk ayah. Rindu nak pegang tangan depa. Rindu sangat-sangat. Entah lah, cakap banyak kali dekat phone pun tak bosan. Tak muak. It’s been almost four month since the last time I met them. I wish, I could see their faces, if once my fate is ya , you know.

“Jom movie marathon?”

Semalam I ngedate dengan roomate I. Yuhuu. First time date dengan dia berdua. Keluar tengok wayang, makan sama-sama dan tengok wayang lagi. Lepaskan semuanya. Cerita everything. Get out form the shell, and out form gadjet. Yeah those kind thing actually helpinng in case if you want to reduce your stress. So dua movie je yang mampu tengok sebab masing-masing dah penat. Me? Lagi lah, balik exam terus tengok wayang. Tak makan apa semua. Memang dalam wayang tu, bukan setakat lapar, kebulur semua ada. Hahaha. Kami tengok Fantastic Beast and Shut In. Dua-dua okay. A good movie to be watched. Kelakar, thriller, fun. Semua ada. Tak rugi pun beli tiket tu. Some how, I am not kind of yang suka shopping beli kasut, baju, seluar, make up. So , that money were save a lots. Apa lagi, wayang ah kannn? Hahaha. Then suddenly, a new chat come in. It’s Kennedy and that ruining my mood. Typing in mode ;

*Speaks comfortably in mode*


“Kau semak lah weh.”

Hm, that words, nak je I send it to Kennedy’s whatsapp. Kadang-kadang malas nak layan dia lagi. Fikir dia kawan aku je. Ingatkan after that incident, we were just over. Totally over. No more contact or keep in touch semua. Semak k semak. Dah ada makwe just stay loyal je la dengan dia. Tak payah la nak menggatal tabur ayat flirting bagai. Then bagi harapan palsu dekat orang. Kau dah tahu perempuan tak suka sharing.

*But excuse me, bukan perempuan je. Lelaki pun sama je. Tak suka sharing. Kau nak aku buat questionnaire ke kat semua orang. Then buat analysis? Nak ?

What I mean is, kau patut mengaku je yang kau is someone that easy to fall in love. You said you love her here, but then you are actually love her there. Bullshit all that. Someone like you doesn’t even deserve to have a relationship. No loyalty, no effort, no defensive. So, kau tak payah nak salahkan orang bila kau tersepit antara both girl.

Mesti korang tertanya-tanya siapa Kennedy kann ? Make it a short story,

“Shaikh Muhammad Illya; Or maybe we can call him ShaMiL or maybe, Illya Kennedy.”

He is my friend. Dia? Well, dia baik, peramah, menyemak, membebel, merepek, sometimes, boleh la sweet tu, dia concern, dia tak berlagak, dia good-looking, dia pandai, dia just nice. How I know? He is, one of oldest friends I had. Our first met was in class. He is my classmate untuk sekolah petang. Entah macam mana, we met, we talked and taddaaaa ~ We were friends. But not for a long time being. As I said, we were just friend, not a bestfriend. Sebab dulu aku sangat mengikut sistem bestfriends first but still aku kawan je dengan semua orang. I talk with single of them, but not that much sebab dulu aku seorang pemalu . Uhuks. So, aku banyak cakap dengan budak perempuan je la. Better than him, my really bestfriends ever, Keroro and Akeem and anak manja. Three of them, we talked, we shared story, we quarreled, everything, but bila masuk sekolah menengah, aku separate dan aku hanya dapat keep in touch dengan keroro. Those two, entah hilang kemana.

“Something missing.”

Oh ye, Illya, yeah, see, he is not so closed to me untill I forgot about him. Nampak tak ? So,aku dengan dia kawan macam tu je la. Camca-Camcee. Hahaha. Okay, mari kita abaikan Kennedy, Dia semak lah weh.

*Counting days,*

Yeahhh, tak lama lagi dah nak balik. Seriously, rindu gila wehhhhh. ;’( Aku rindu nak tidur dekat riba mak aku. Aku rindu nak cium pipi mak aku. *Even tho she doesn’t like it.* Aku rindu nak peluk mak aku. Aku rindu nak berborak dengan ibu aku. Aku rindu nak makan masakan mak aku. Aku rindu nak usik mak aku. AKu rindu nak kacau mak aku tidur. Aku rindu nak kenakan mak aku dengan Moomoo. Aku rindu nak dengar mak aku membebel. Aku rindu nak dengar suara mak aku panggil aku dari bawah. Aku rindu nak denar mak aku pujuk aku. Aku rindu nak dengan mak aku geram dengan aku. Aku lagi rindu ayah aku. Aku rindu nak peluk ayah aku. Aku rindu nak lawan chess dengan ayah aku. Aku rindu nak tengok ayah aku masak. Aku rindu masakan ayah aku. Aku rindu ayah aku jerit nama aku sebab geram. Aku rindu ayah aku pujuk aku bila aku merajuk dengan dia. Aku rindu nak lawan geletek dengan ayah aku. Aku rindu nak dengar lawak ayah aku. Aku rindu nak cium pipi ayah aku. Aku rindu nak ikut ayah aku keluar beli barang. Aku rindu semua tu :’(

Kalau adik adik aku pula, aku lagi rindu Lukman. Dia comel sangat. Suara dia bila dapat gula-gula. Suara dia bila dia minta something dengan aku. Suara dia bila dia mengadu kena buli dengan abang dan kakak dia. Suara dia bila ketawa. Suara dia bila kena usik. Suara dia bila merajuk. Suara bila tanya aku tengah buat apa. Suara dia bila main dengan MooMoo.

“Akak buat apa tu.”

“Ape tu?”

“Lukman nak aiskrim?” “Aiskrim? Nak.”

And sort of. Seriously I miss him. But I didn’t said I don’t miss the another dua adik adik aku tu. Norin dan Ismail. Your noona miss you here. Hahahaha.

When being here, I just can hear their voice, laugh, advice and story. Aishhh .  So right now, aku tengah busy dengan projek final. Then bila dah submit everything and done, aku tak sabar weh nak balik, seriously . Hope sangat takde kerja. Sebab nanti aku balik pun, banyak kerja menanti aku. Kena jadi ahli rewang bagai. Busu aku nak kahwin. Ulang, BUSU AKU YANG NAK KAHWIN. BUKAN AKU YANG NAK KAHWIN K .

“Don’t you see that I make myself busy so that I can try at least forget about you?” But dude, I just can’t and if I can, I don’t want. You , since, last sem 1, you are being part of me. You should be proud, because once I love, I care them like my own family. Umar, I miss you :’) You have a very powerful defensive and I don’t know how to get through it. I tried to make anything but I am afraid you get annoyed with me. People easily get annoyed with me. But not my parents. Not my mom. Not my dad. Here, Mom, he is Ramu Diraf.

“Mom, loving people is hurting me, but loving people who actually know about it is more hurting.”

I have never chased him mom. I just sit and stay. I talked to him everyday, at least once a day, I make him felt my existence, I make him annoyed, I shared stories, I concerned about him, till I am afraid, he felt annoyed. But once, I told him, I will just continue make him annoyed, I asked him, please don’t get annoyed with me. And he said, all right.

“Mom, I love him so much till I can’t do anything so that he will not feel annoyed. I do want to do something for him, to make him happy, less burden and at least cherish his day, but what he replied me, just, he don’t need all that. His sound exactly sarcastic, and that hurting me. But what to do, I will just stay and hoping that he would not leave.”

“Mom, I used a friendship as an excuse so that I would stay beside him. But being his friend while actually I love him so much, that’s hurting me.”

“Mom, am I idiot?”



Okay, let’s stop about this. Aku takut nanti masuk kelas France nanti sembab mata aku. Lagipun I need to done my sketching. So we talked later okay ?

Have a nice day and take care. :)


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