JellyPages.com

Wednesday, 14 September 2016

Move On 🎭

Assalamualaikum dan selamat pagi :)

Hey guys, lama tak menulis. Sangat sangat sangat lama. So how are you? Hope that you are in the pink of health. Its had been two month since my last day for matriculation. Yet i still can remember each of the moments happen in my life during studied in Kolej Matriculation Technical Johor. With those strict rules, those scary lecturers, those great beast of genius, those funny friends, and annoying haters, those paparazi and some kind of that. Dengan kehadiran mereka semua dalam hidup aku sejak pertama kali aku masuk KMTJ, warna-warna hidup aku mula mencorak warna lain menghasilkan rona warna yang berbeza dengan warna-warna sewaktu zaman sekolah aku dulu.

Did i told you about i gave a book to someone i crush so much? Buku apa aku bagi? Haha, itu rahsia tapi semestinya isi kandungan buku tu ada kena mengena dengan keadaan dia, hidup dia dan perasaan aku. Dengan bertampal sticky note semua tu. Haih semak lah rasanye. Tindakan paling gila pernah aku buat and sampai sekarang aku tak boleh lupakan the last day that had happened. Right after last paper, aku tunggu Azra dekat cafe untuk bagi buku tu dekat dia. And yes of course la aku dah balut cantik cantik dan kemas kemas. Umi nampak aku pass barang tu dekat Azra and sememangnya la dia akan tanya. Selepas aku tengok Azra beredar, aku pun jalan saing dengan Umi dekat laluan aspuri. Masa tu, memang banyak kereta dah menunggu and yes, there were a lots of people dekat kawasan parking aspuri. Umi tanya aku , buku tu nak bagi siapa. Aku hanya mampu sengih while imagine the figure of the owner. Bila aku tak jawab, Umi merajuk dan akhirnya aku mention his name. Yeah of course dia akan menjerit terkejut. Sebab perkara tu tak dijangka and Umi cakap dia jealous dengan aku. Memang tergelak la aku. So, the first whole week,  Azra ada cakap lah juga yang dia tanya siapa yang bagi buku tu. Nasib Azra jenis pegang janji. So dia tak bagitahu aku yang bagi buku. Thanks buddy :)

Telling you that, sepanjang aku dekat sana, memang aku takde niat nak usha orang disebabkan kesan hubungan aku dengan that jerk. So memang tak terbuka la hati aku nak suka dekat orang, nak admire bagai, luahkan langsung secara face to face, jumpa secara dirancang pun tak.  Sebab tu la semester pertama, aku memang tak tahu kewujudan dia until he make his name to be known . And, yes during sem 2 , i known him well. But, dia makin rapat dengan seorang chinese girl ni until i felt they were just like couple. Kemana-mana mesti nampak dua orang manusia ni. Macam belangkas pun ada. Benci la :( JEALOUS nak mati tau time tu. Dah la tak pernah cakap dengan dia, jumpa pun tepi tepi masa tengah jalan. Lepas tu entah macam mana boleh on crush dengan dia. Tau-tau je rasa geram bila ada girl rapat dengan dia especially during malam Aspiration. Ya-Allah, masa tu, memang rasa nak meletop je jantung ni. Bila aku dah hafal apa yang dia buat hampir whole day , everyday. Aku rasa happy je perhatikan dia. Dia selalu pergi library waktu petang during study week. Orang kata, kalau tak nampak empunya badan, dapat tengok kewujudan beg dia pun kira lepas la rindu ni. Rasanya nak cerita more about him.

Well, once, i managed to hear his voice on my phone, i managed to text with him. Happy ? Yeah absolutely happy like i am the only one in this world. But, then i noticed something, he never feel the same way i felt. Like i am forcing him to remember who am I. Nah, i don't want that feelings. SO i stop to contact with him. I am giving up on him. He is smart, genius, good-looking, he worth more gorgeous angels than me. My birthday is coming soon. How I wish he would remember it or thinking about it once. But no, he know nothing about how can i continue to making hope as high as the sky but he even don't know my name.

So then I am done. Hands off.

Thankyou Ramu Diraf for this feelings. It is wonderful and I am feel good and little bits disappointed as you dumped me unofficially. But actually those feelings afe nothing now. Maybe Allah had move on this feelings away. You will regret one day, by ignoring someone like me.

But ...

I think i am not deserved for this love-ship relationship. Because I am just a piece of shit once upon a time. It is not the love who is a shit, But it is me. I am the one. I leave someone who is so much precious for someone who just a piece of cheap person. I break his heart for no reason and leave him.  He said he didn't trust that I am doing those kind of bullshit. But, yes , times go around and he knows every single thing. I lose someone who loved me more than his life. And now here I am, cannot even have a steady relationship more than a month. Is this a cursed for me?

Envy...

Yeah, i do envy looking those couple, hanging out together, studying together and still keep promises together. In the same time, i keep cursing myself, "Deserved you." And yet till now, the my heart still broke, cold and froze. I tried to get along well with someone but , nah, i can't. I don't even feel what couple called, LOVE. For me those was just bullshit. Give a big hand to MZI, he is the one who make me like this, never in my life, i am waiting for someone over 6 months for something that not sure and what i got in my birthday is a surprise gift from Syifaa. He is having another relationship with someone else. "Deserved for me then." Since that day, i just feel that love is nothing but cheap. Love between a woman and a man. So now, in my place, if i see people between two gender are walking together, Ir senyum sinis. It is automatically will make me reminds the nightmare. How i wish I can turn back against time.

Okay, that's enough for today.

Last-last, candy untuk korang :



Take care of your health beast, and  enjoy your single life.

Goodbye :)

What Do You Think Of Me?