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Friday, 1 April 2016

Jealousy

Assalamualaikum dan selamat malam. Hey peeps. Tidur dah kan semua? Nanti nanti lah korang semua baca. Ir cuma nak luahkan perasaan Ir yang dah bercampur segala bagai.

Malam ni ada event terakhir sebelum hadap final. And seriously,  it was the worst event ever. And I hate it. Aspirations Night. Wow, the  name je dah mampu buat orang rasa excited nak attend. Bagi Ir, jujurlah Ir memang sangat sangat excited at the first, but then, it make me felt annoyed and I hope I will forget this stupid night.

Wondering?  Yeah of course. Let me tell you a story.

Sebelum bersiap, that evening, semua outing untuk beli persiapan terakhir. And I'm all alone in my dorm as both my dormate semua dah keluar outing. Lonely? Nah, I'm used it. And it feel just nothing. You can do whatever you want. Then Ir baru nak feeling layan movie, then Syerara called and told me to go to Nabel's dorm sebab nak tengok outfit Ir. Hm, seriyes part suruh bawak baju segala bagai tu Ir tak dengar. Sebab dalam keEXCITEDan Ir tu, sebenarnya lebih kepada malas nak turun. So Ir turun je la sehelai sepinggang. Haha kan dah kena bebel. Biar jelah. Pekak kan je telinga tu. Who cares, biarlah dorang bebel. Nanti senyap la tu. Borak borak dengan dorang sebab Chiya pun join the club. Semua sibuk tanya pakai apa. Ir pun tanya sekali sampai satu tahap Ir rasa insecure sangat.

"Kenapa perlu sangat nak ikut theme bagai?"

But then Ir dengar je la sebab soalan tu tak terluah pun, hanya terlintas dekat hati. Lama lama naik bosan dan akhirnya naik dorm dengan bawa buku yang kenot pinjamkan. Yeah at least dapat hiburkan hati yang sedang tahan menahan beribu perasaan.

"Fiqa, nanti jangan lupa ok? "

Itu perkara pertama yang Ir cakap bila nampak minah ni. Because dia make up lawa walaupun Ir tak berapa minat sangat dengan all those feminine stuff. Second, she promised she would dress me up. But then, semua tu sembang. And I am really really mad with her. Lastly, Ir tak pakai make up pun. Just put on some powder. No lipstick,  no foundation, no mascara and none of that stuff. Lepas azan je Ir siap siap and pakai shawl, ( try ) pakai cara macam trend zaman ni. But then, ha ha ha, kelakar sangat and I hope it's not look funny to me and they will not make a joke. Then dah siap pakai tudung semua, ambil high heels, and try on it. Damn, Ir tak selesa gila. Dah sampai bawah, Ir panjat balik naik tingkat dua untuk tukar flat shoes. But then, still not comfortable for me. Kalau boleh, Ir nak pakai selipar je. Hahahahahaha. Mana boleh, event formal la peeps. So jadilah Ir the only girl yang paling lewat. Oh my, was that too dramatic? Like Cinderella.




"Suhaila, kamu nampak cantik pakai tudung macam ni."

That was the first person praised me and Ir tahu Sin Jie ikhlas. She smiled at me and I smile back to her. Thanks for praising me. Mesti korang pelik kan? Yeah because she praised me padahal dia mana pernah tegur Ir pun. Selalunya Ir yang sibuk sibuk nak tegur dia walaupun saying hi. And pelik juga sebab selama ni Ir sangat sangat sangat selekeh. Ouh whatever. Event kecik je pun. But I'm still trying to be pretty, to stay beautiful for only to see someone look at me.

Unfortunately;
"Ha Ha Ha. Deserve myself. "

Dia tak pandang Ir pun. Biarlah. Dalam dewan tadi Ir duduk separate dengan Nabel and Chiya and Kenot. Honestly, I kecik hati sangat sangat dengan dorang. Well at least try to reserve my place. Gosh, damn it ! But then, perlahan Ir redakan marah. And Ir rasa bersalah sebab masam muka bila Nabel panggil suruh tarik kerusi. Hm. I'm always like that. Typically nak rasa bersalah sendiri walaupun jelas sekali bukan Ir yang salah. Benci rasa ini. Make me felt coward.

Performance?
Mention about it, not bad la. Paling best performance masa group Mike. Seriously dorang memang daebak even tho dengan suara tak sampai , nafas yang pendek milik vocalist, Didi.  Plus minus, seronoklah untuk performance event kecilan ni.

Anugerah?
Haha come on la guys, nama pun Aspirations Night, so nak bagi anugerah la dekat those students yang layak. Mention about this, he is the one of the students yang manage got the Anugerah. I'm proud for him and in the same time, I felt envy because of his genius. Bro, tak boleh sorok sikit ke bijak tu? 😂

And for him too,
"Kenapa kau menyerlah sangat ?!"

Dari awal event sampai lah habis. Everything about you made me happy . Made me mad. Made me crazy. Happy? Sebab masa tangkap gambar reramai dekat depan, dia tak join pun. Cuma duduk dekat tepi and looks like he just want to look at me. (Jangan percaya, cuma kebetulan Ir duduk membuatkan dia pandang Ir kalau dia betul betul pandang depan. Hahaha.)
Trust me, walaupun syok sendiri, tapi rasa itu sangat bahagia. Mad?  Because he took a photo not just one, but many pictures with those gorgeous girls included Woshi. Damn. Kalau nak dibandingkan dengan Ir ? Memang taklah. Dengan baju kembang macam orang mengandung. Dengan flat shoes yang kontra warna. Oh my, tak serupa perempuan feminine dah.

"Kau memang pantang kan perempuan cantik ajak bergambar?!"

"Nah, Su, he is not like that."

Yeah, when I'm saying to myself about him, what I still can do is denying what he had done tonight. I had to accept, bukan Ir sorang je yang minat dia. And if so, bukan dia minat Ir pun sampai nak tolak permintaan those gorgeous. Come on la, make  sense. Bergambar dengan perempuan cantik kot. Insane ke apa nak tolak. So last last take some photos with dearest classmate, friends, and ldk mates. Cuma tu je. Orang orang yang Ir memang rapat. Besides that, Ir yang tukang jadi photographer tak bertauliah. Kawan kawan Ir pun,semuanya gorgeous. Cantik sangat. Sampai Ir cemburu. Gila.

But then, sepanjang tempoh bergambar tu, tipulah Ir cakap Ir tak nak bergambar dengan dia. Yes I do want you be aside me and take a photo. Tak mintak banyak, sekali pun cukup. But then I realise, I'm too tak layak bergambar dengan dia sebab takut sangat dia cakap bukan bukan dengan penampilan Ir. Kau orang nak gelak , just go on. Ir tak kesah. But him, hmm. I just can't do anything. Ir mampu tengok dia dan tahan cemburu bila ada je girls yang minta bergambar dengan dia. Sampai satu tahap Ir nak menangis. I'm too scared that penampilan Ir yang membuatkan ada gaps dan difference yang sangat besar. Ir rasa geram sangat bila senyuman dia terukir depan lensa apabila bergambar dengan those girl. Rasa macam nak ketuk kepala those girls and said;

"Hey, he is mine ! "

Hahahahahahah, but I can't . I'm just stood dumbfounded and and ignore him. Yes, definitely I'm not the reason for his smile. None of his reasons. Pity poor little clumsy girl like me. Cakap banyak berani luah bantah bagai hanyalah dalam dunia Maya. But in real world, I'm just a mannequin. An ugly mannequin. Korang jangan jadi macam Ir tau. Too scared until the chances to terbuang terus. And my, it's seriously make me looks like a coward girl.

"Oh Allah, can you just make his heart turn to me?" 😌

"Am I too selfish to ask Allah to make him become mine?"😔

Yeah, insecurity kills me. That's why I need to secure my heart first before fall in love with him. Therefore, I won't hurt when once I felt insecure.😂

Dahla guys, Ir nak tidur. Goodnight sleep tight. 🙆

Assalamualaikum 💞

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